Um Excuse Me......Something Is Wrong........

After the third race I felt a little tightness in my left calf.  No big deal....just a little tight from all of the awesome races I have been running in. At first it didn't hurt while I was running, only afterwards.  But then it got to a point where it hurt all of the time, including when I ran, so I sucked it up and went to a sports medicine doctor.

I am not injured, I am not injured, I am not injured.  I replayed this about 50 million times in my head.  As I sat in the doctor's office my stomach was in knots, please don't tell me I can't run.  When the nurse took my blood pressure she said it was a little high, which is abnormal for me, my bp is always perfect.  I asked her if nerves could effect it and she said yes, definitely.  I told her we didn't have anything to worry about then b/c I am nervous as hell right now.

The doctor had me move in every which way trying to figure out what was wrong.  She finally concluded that when I run I turn my left foot in slightly and now that I am up in the mileage it is starting to effect me, in my calf.  She also said I need to build my glutes and ankles b/c they weren't strong enough. The ankles I wasn't surprised about, thanks mom for the wimpy ankles, although you would have thought I would have built those up carrying all that weight around all those years.  The glutes I was surprised about, I mean my Lord, I do like a million squats a week!  But ok...fine dr.....what do I do so I can run again?

She said to not run AT ALL until there is absolutely no pain in the calf, as well as use ice and Aleve.  She also gave me some exercises to build those glutes up.  But doctor....will I be able to run my Half Marathon in January?  Sure, no problem, you will be fine by then.

It was a little hard to swallow the fact that I couldn't run for a while, but it wasn't the end of the world.  I vowed to work out like a mad woman until my calf was better.  Riding the bike, the elliptical, strength training, whatever it took to not lose the muscle tone and conditioning I had gained over those 5 months so far.  I also threw in a few yoga classes, mostly b/c I needed the mental release but also to help build those ankles.

Speaking of the mental release.  I had no idea how much running was feeding my brain, not just my soul, until I couldn't run anymore.  I had heard about runners going into depression when they got injured but never really understood it.  I have a much better appreciation for that now.  I was very down for a long time.  I wouldn't go so far as to say I was depressed but I was definitely down.

After 6 weeks, YES 6 WEEKS, I called the doctor back and said, "ok, it doesn't hurt anymore, can I run now?"  And no, it wasn't the first time I talked to her since the original appt.  I called that poor woman a million times to ask her a million questions.  I felt like I was just wasting my time and of course everyone and their dog had an opinion of what I should do.  I even went and got a MRI but they found nothing.  But now it didn't hurt anymore, I was ready.  Mind you at this point there is only 4 weeks left until the Half Marathon.  She suggested a walk a minute/run a minute for 20 min and see how it goes.  IT FELT GREAT!  You should have seen me.  I know people around me thought I was crazy, I was grinning from ear to ear.  I was running again!!!!!

I ran min/walk min for a week and then the doctor said I could step it up and run straight for a while to see how it feels.  Unfortunately that didn't work out as well as hoped. My calf started hurting again. I almost broke down in tears in the middle of the gym. You have got to be kidding me! Right when I was feeling comfortable that I would be able to complete this race.   So I called the doctor back and went for a visit.  She said things were looking up, my ankles and glutes were stronger and that I should be able to run the race.  However she wanted me to go see a podiatrist to talk about putting orthodics in my shoes so I wouldn't turn my foot in as much.

I was excited to see the podiatrist b/c he was also a runner.  I wanted to get a runner's opinion on what was going on.  So we sit down and I tell him everything going on and he says, "were you training for a particular race?"  I said softly, "um....yes.... the half marathon in two weeks" and he immediately says, "well you're not going to run that, right?"  I said even softer, "um....I was planning on it" and I just looked at him with as much hope as I had and he said, "I highly suggest you don't run the half in two weeks".

No, no, no, no, no!  This is not happening.  I am running that race.  He said there was about a 90% chance that I would blow my calf out if I ran that race and that would require 6-9 months of rehab vs. only 2 more months or so.  Would you believe I still left that dr.'s office with the intention of running the race?  I am just a little hard-headed.

However it ate away at me all day.  Should I do it, should I not?  On the way home I finally broke down and cried, the pressure of making this decision was just too much.  I prayed to God that he would help me give this problem to him before it made me sick.  And I prayed that I could talk to someone who would help me put things into perspective.  And wouldn't you know not more than 5 seconds after saying that my phone rang?  It was my sister. Wow....thanks God.

My sister and I talked about whether I should run it or not, for a while.  I told her what the dr said that morning and she soon helped me to realize this one race just wasn't worth it.  I think it was the hardest pill I have ever had to swallow.  I cried and cried.  What a disappointment.  I had worked so hard for this and I so deserved it.

When I got home I told my husband and kids I made the decision to not run it.  Once again, breaking down in tears.  Even though I was crying I felt more at peace than I had in a while.  The decision was made.  It took me a few days to get through the pain and disappointment I felt.  But I am not a wallower (or however you spell that), I refuse to wallow in my sorrow for longer than a few days.  Time to get back on my feet and get this thing healed once and for all.

So I am now focused on a half marathon at the end of March.  There a few other events I want to do in March as well, an indoor triathlon at the gym and the Warrior Dash.

I went to physical therapy for the first time tonight.  The dr. only thinks I will need 2-4 weeks of it and I can still run while I am healing.

I ran 20 minutes straight twice now and my calf didn't hurt during or afterwards so I am stoked. Really hoping this is a sign of good times to come.  I will gradually increase the time and hopefully train as much as possible for that half at the end of March.  I really want to run a half marathon this year b/c I want to train for the full marathon next year, starting in July.  If I am not ready in time for March then i will find one in April or May.  I WILL RUN A HALF THIS YEAR!